Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize