My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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