Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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