god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
