I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
of course. lets lasso hookers.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
