I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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