There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
