I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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