it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
