i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
