I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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