those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
