theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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