Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
