Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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