I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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