Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
