Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
