I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
