Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(561): View more from Florida

I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon

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(206): View more from Washington

i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.

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(678): View more from Georgia

This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.

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(727): View more from Florida

how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?

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(515): View more from Iowa

On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...

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(253): View more from Washington

I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.

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(408): View more from California

I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.

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(706): View more from Georgia

The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay

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