it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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