I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
