Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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