Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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