he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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