I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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