He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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