whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Porn is love you can see.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Randomize
