I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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