I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
