I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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