I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
