Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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