I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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