nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Randomize
