I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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