were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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