I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
