i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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