the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
