i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
