I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
