I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
