Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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