I wish my penis had an off switch
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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