There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
