Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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