She said her name was "party"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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