Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
false alarm. still invincible.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize