She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
