he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
