i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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