Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
