dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
