turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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