Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
