Cold hands, warm shart.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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