You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize