Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
