I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
