he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize